It wasn’t very long ago that I would cry myself to sleep each night worrying about Gavin. When Gavin was a baby/toddler/5,6,7 year old he was difficult…to say the least. I didn’t understand him, I couldn’t relate to him and truthfully I didn’t really enjoy him. I mean, I loved him will all my heart but I wasn’t too sure how much I liked him. I was a single, full time working mom and he needed full time attention and full time patience. He was extremely routine, he had a plan and if we faltered from HIS plan we were doomed. He threw tantrums of catastrophic proportions at random times in random places. I remember how people would stop and stare at us as he would scream and sweat and jerk his body all around…hitting his head on the ground while I sat next to him bawling. It didn't help that he has always looked at least 2 years older than he actually is. He didn’t interact well with kids his age; he didn’t know how to be fun or act normal. He was HIGH Maintenance and I did NOT know how to be his mom. He and I struggled for many years...and there was a lot of crying.
People, like specialists and doctors began throwing words around like Autism, Asperger’s Syndrome, ADD. I knew I had a LONG road ahead of me…or at least that was what I thought back then, for ALL those years…and so I cried.
It has just been the last 4-5 years that Gavin has really started coming into his own. I am amazed each day by how much he has changed, grown up, learned to handle his emotions and get control of his thoughts and actions. I have come to absolutely LOVE and ENJOY this child of mine. He is FUN, he is smart, he is talented, and he has learned how to tease and is working on being teased. He interacts better…not great but better and he is learning his place in this world and feeling more comfortable in it each day.
This past week has been rather emotional for me…more crying…but a good emotional…a lot of full hearts, tears of joy and pride beyond measure…as I have watched him in the spotlight... happy, courageous and strong.
First was the Triathlon…not in a million years did I ever believe Gavin would WANT to do something like this but to actually DO IT and willingly finish…I stood at the finish line and I cried.
Then this week was Gavin’s choir group Sunset Express’ last performance. Along with 9 other schools they all gathered out at Tuacahn, our famous outdoor amphitheater, for their finale. Hundreds of kids stood on the stage and only two had solo acts…one of them was Gavin. I had NO idea that he had a part…let alone THE MAIN PART. I watched down on him…from the second to last row…as he stood in front of ROWS of children and spoke into a microphone in front of HUNDREDS of audience members. He was witty, dramatic and looked like a pro up there. I cried.
Gavin was invited back to perform the next night with 9 other schools…this time I sat in the front row and watched him close up. He smiled and winked…and I cried!I love this child. He has brought me MUCH happiness and joy throughout the TEARS…and I LOVE being his mom!
7 comments:
Kami that was without a doubt one of the sweetest posts I've ever read! This post had me in tears as I read it. I felt your tears of sadness and I your great tears of joy. What a blessing it is to have these sweet spirits in our lives. It would have been a great and wonderful experience to see Gavin up there performing his solo no matter what. But to have watched him grow and change I'm sure was SO moving. I guess this is why we must experience the hard times. After the hard times the JOY we feel is even that much greater and sweeter!
We sure love you, Gavin, and Savanna. It feels like you have always been apart of our family!
We love and miss you!!!
JoLynn
WOW. Kami, I am SO happy for you! You deserve EVERY happiness in this world. And, like I have heard before, "Some miracles just take longer." You deserve these paydays. :)
Life is good, isn't it? We make it through the trials and the Lord always has blessings in store. I have just been feeling joy for my own son lately. He is really coming along and seems happier than he has ever been. I share your joy and hope your will have much more in the years to come!
So it's taken me a little while to gather myself enough to comment. This was such a sweet post, Kam and even though I'm not Gavin's mom, I still feel like I lived all of that with you. It has been wonderful to watch as Gavin has grown (both literally and emotionally) and become such a great and accomplished kid. I always knew he was exceptionally smart and talented but sometimes that just isn't enough when other issues take center stage. I know your love and patience (most of the time) have played a huge part in Gavin becoming the person he is today. I also want to give Brent the credit he deserves for being such a significant and positive role model for Gavin and for his kindness to him. Gavin couldn't have come to a better home and it shows in the way his life is going. Gavin is a work in progress and I know he will just keep getting better and better. You really are a lucky mom.
Gavin did such a great job at the performance. He was very witty and expressive and didn't seem nervous at all. Good job him.
Amazing! You give me hope for my lovey little Tomy. He keeps me wondering if I'm even remotely doing right by him.
It's so fun to see your family healing, growing, learning, achieving, loving - what a blessing!
Your tears are proof of the kind of mother you are the one you are becoming. What a sweet story! And thank you for the glimpse into the kind of person you are raising - what a great kid - and the real you. Kam, you could rule the world!
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